Lifestyle

In lieu of child support

Why I chose his education over child support.

This is definitely a personal subject, but a talk I wish I had with someone. Maybe you need perspective, understanding, encouragement, or guidance.

Here’s my experience, when I came out of my divorce, as it does for anyone with children, child support begins. For about a year, child support was what held us together as I picked up the pieces and shaped our lives outside of formally being a stay-at-home mother.

By all means, I understand, support, and encourage women and men to accept this support. It’s there for a reason.

As for my situation, a few deciding factors weighed in. The growth my son showed within the walls of his private preschool, the freedom of separation needed from my ex, and complete respect for my future relationship. 

A burning desire within me needed to be free. I wanted to prove to myself I could do it on my own, I knew I could. I’ve always been the type to fly high and risk falling hard but I also knew, no matter how high, I always land on my feet. So what’s the difference this time? Yes, I’m carrying precious cargo now. But I knew with the strength God instilled I would be blessed to carry us. So through much thought and lots of prayers, when it came time to decide what was best for Beckham. I chose to educate him the best I could and bypass child support. This allowed Beckham to be provided with the best he possibly could and I was then given my financial freedom. My ex is an amazing provider, always was. Allowing my ex to provide for our son’s education instead of writing me a monthly check allowed for more respect, separation, and freedom from the former relationship.

Having the financial separation would be our best avenue for us to successfully co-parent and fully respect our future relationships.

As a first-time parent, when you begin the process of placing a child into preschool, you quickly become familiar with the fact childcare is outstandingly expensive. Do I wish to pay $800 for him to play around? Or pay a few hundred more for beneficial education? At the time Beckham was being tested for speech development and was not passing the exams. I knew he would get there, he just needed to be placed into the right environment. A few school tours later, I decided it was best for Beckham to enter into a private preschool. After three months of being in school, Beckham was leaps and bounds ahead of where he had begun. I couldn’t brag about his school more. He will be graduating PreK this year and this Mommy’s heart can hardly believe it!

As far as financial freedom, it’s been the most rewarding experience I have ever been provided. Beckham and I currently live in a one-bedroom apartment with hopes to get a two-bedroom by Summer. But I wouldn’t trade any of this experience for bigger or better. I’ve learned to live very intentionally, in turn, I’m the proudest I’ve ever been of myself and I’m so proud of Beckham. He seamlessly goes from having anything and everything he could through his father (which is perfectly fine and I’m happy they have that together) to a simple lifestyle with me. He gets to see through his Father what the fruit of hard work bears and through me what digging deep looks like. 

One thing I will always have is the very best interest for Beckham. He is a brilliant boy. But for myself, as well, I needed financial freedom and a respectful starting point for a healthy marriage in the future; I viewed detachment as the best avenue for this desire. 

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